My god you might as well throw them over your shoulder!

PUSH. Up. BRAS.

Ladies.  What the hell?  Where do you put your boob when the whole bra is filled with packing peanuts?

It's crazyness.

When I go bra shopping, I feel the inside of each bra to make sure there is a home for each of my boobs.  Much of the time there isn't.  It is occupied by "memory foam" or "cooling gel" or "contour padding" or some other bullcrap.

Here's the deal bra companies.  It's false advertising if a girl parades around with what looks like double D's and suddenly the bra is off and she's a negative A.  Literally.  They're imploded.  Picture that oh great readers.

There's multiple was to accent your friggen' RACK.

Example NUMERO ONE:

The Chicken Cutlet:

I would worry about salmonella being absorbed through my boobs.

Example NUMERO DOS:

The Tissue:

It's like using tissue paper to cover up a gift.  But less fun.  And no pretty colors.

Example- Number 3:

The Wonder Bra. Nuff' Said.  Two extra CUP sizes? Come on.

But I will give you a picture, mostly to satisfy the guys:

I promise: those aren't mine.  

They're from the advertisement for the American Eagle brand, which my friend says raises your boobs to your chin.  You could take a nap on those suckers.  

And really, who could confront you about taking a nap on your boobs?  That's just an awkward conversation.  Or a sexual harassment case.  Your pick.

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Boobs.  Remember when you would type that out on your calculator and you thought you were oh-so-cool?

Success Kid is always cool.

It's not so fun when the calculator has a full text pad.  That's not an original thought.  I saw it in a web comic.  Hold on.

I can't find the comic.  But I didn't put that much effort into it either.  If it doesn't come up on Google you're out of luck.
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What's the last way to accent your upper feminine anatomy?

Have good boobs to begin with.

Tehe.


Look what happens after I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion show.  At least I'm not parading around saying I'm going on a diet.  I just start ranting about boobs.  I'm a little special.