Ugh. I am the socially awkward penguin.

Warning: foul language ahead.



In fact, I bet many of you are.  If not you wouldn't enjoy my blog so much.  But without further ado, my favorite "socially awkward penguins"

.....I just looked through the library of socially awkward penguin memes, and I had to cut myself off at 13.  Jeesh.  It's worse than I thought.

This is the worst.  One: I don't need a friggen' partner.  Two: why do I always travel in odd numbered groups?  And why am I the one that's friends with everyone but not like "BFFS!" with one so I definitely have a partner?  No, that's ok, I'll totally work with the one kid in class that might just be more awkward than I am.  

This happens to me all of the time at the lunch table.  You see, Becker College is so small that I still have to deal with lunch table drama despite being 3 years out of high school. And quite frankly, I avoided it for awhile.  But this year I've been more social, and that results in me being my usually brilliant self, combining with my awkward self, and having my comments "re-posted" only to get wayyyyyyyy more laughs than I would have ever gotten.  Last time I totally called the people out on it........I'm not sure they heard me. 

This used to be the worst, but I've learned to get over this.  Especially if the person has to remember what I said and say it back to me.  I've come up with the ultimate "SCREW YOU ICEBREAKERS" response.  I tell everyone "I have a lizard named Ulla Inga Hansen Benson Yanson Tallen Hallen Svaden Svanson".  And no, I don't say it slowly.

Again, I've learned to get over this.  But for awhile, I was self conscious of my obvious brilliance.  Now, I waltz right up. Haters gonna Hate.

This might be because I'm a dog person, or because I am programmed to avoid any and all eye contact.  I get teased for it all of the time.  Maybe I don't look at you because you're ugly.  Ever think about that? Huh? No? Well.  Whatever. 

I got nothing.  I'm not deaf, I'm just a really bad listener.  And there are just only so many times you can ask "what?" without looking like an idiot.  Which is a very small number, I can tell you that after around 2 times it's awkward.  From experience. I can tell you that from experience.

Yeah.  Did you know about half of the population doesn't know how brilliantly funny I am because they are so self absorbed they don't have time to even listen to me?  Or wait, hear me.  And when I am heard, as mentioned before, I'm plagiarized. I can't even repeat myself because I'm not willing to risk the chance that they did hear me and just didn't care.  

Ask anyone, I'm a jerk when it comes to phones.  If you're driving and someone calls you and you want me to pick up, not going to happen.  I have to rehearse everything before I call.  I hate using the phone. So yeah, when it goes to voicemail, and I don't know you, I will totally read off a sheet of paper, so I don't ramble on like an idiot, and I don't make a fool out of myself, or so I don't forget about what I was calling for, or so I don't accidentally call you by the wrong name.  That was me, rambling.  Thank your lucky stars the phone went to voicemail, because in that alternate reality, that word vomit does not occur.

This is very similar to one of the ones I posted before, but I have to say, icebreakers are the majority of what makes up RA training, and they kill me.  I die.  Literally.  It makes a good conversation starter.  You know, for other people.  No one talks to me anyway.

This is simple.  People are stupid and I need to maintain at least a 3.9 minimum GPA.  I can't afford people's stupidness.  And I don't like to talk to people, that too.

This happens so often I literally can't stand it.  Why am I such a know-it-all?  Oh yeah, I'm a friggen smartie-pants.  It happens so often in Law class that the teacher exhausts all of his other options and then just kinda nods towards me, and I succinctly provide the class with the answer I've had in my head for the past 5 minutes.  The right answer.

I don't even know if I want to talk about this.  It's upsetting.  But it goes back to- why do I always hang out with people in odd-numbered groups?  I do this to myself don't I?  You know the solution? Don't hang out with people.  

I'll leave you with this wonderful explanation for everything I do:

Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Straight.