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....I'm finding a small percentage strangely tolerable.
Like my residents this year. They are just a hoot.
and my creeper, who gets along with most of my residents.
and my RA co-workers. They're pretty sweet.
And of course...my boyfriend, who I got to see this weekend (but he's always been tolerable).
But I wonder why people are suddenly more tolerable to me. I thought I was over this whole "being social" thing. But it's strangely fulfilling, some of the time.
Don't get me wrong. I still hate some people with the very fiber of my being, that which being consumed in my breakfast resides deep inside my stomach, that kind of fiber.
So I guess you could say it's a superficial hate that passes eventually.
But it is still hate, and it's still definitely there. But that's nothing new, nothing notable.
It's this tolerance that is disturbing.
I find people interesting, and funny, and I like to laugh. A lot. I want to be included to do things. But funny thing about that.
I can't go anywhere with anyone unless I'm strictly invited. I know, sounds normal. But you don't get me. If it's implied, and people are just assuming I'll go, it's not going to happen. I've got to know for sure that I'm wanted, otherwise I shirk away and hide so as not to embarrass myself. As in, if everyone's planning to do something around me, like go to the mall, and I show interest, but no one is specifically like "hey Jenny you can hop in my car" I'm going to go hide in my room rather then attempt to go, EVEN IF IT WAS IMPLIED THAT I WAS INVITED. Implied is not good enough. In fact, you should print invitations for me. I promise I'll RSVP.
This'll do.
Note: the whole mall thing, that actually happened. And then people were confused as to why I didn't go. Yeah, that's why.
But anyways, that is besides the point. I don't like to do things. Psh. Things. That's for people that like to do them.
Huh?
Whatever. I just don't. I like to read and draw in my room. But my book is just sitting there, and my Duncan painting desperately needs attention. And what am I doing. Laughing my ass off upstairs with the girls, chatting it up while my creeper has a cigarette, and going for walks with my favorite Becker couple and friends.
I like to hang out with my door open (which it is RIGHT NOW, by the way. Weirdness). I like to write on people's boards when I'm on rounds. Stuff like that.
But let's not get ahead of ourselves. This means instead of being an extreme loser, I am now only a moderate loser. It's not like I drank some magic cure or something.
Like- Don't expect me to become a cheerleader, that's not going to happen.
HOW CAN YOU EVEN SMILE WHEN YOU'RE BENT LIKE THAT?!
Not that I don't have cheerleader friends. Because I do. I'm even friends with the school mascot, even though as a kid I hated those costumes. You should see the pictures of me in Disney World. I was one little pissed off chickie.
No, I don't have them. But they are funny. I promise.
I barely have time to blog anymore. But when I do I still love it. I'm just so busy:
-RA
-Training 4 Beagles
- Co-President of Animal Health Club
-Official Note-Taker for CLC
-Portraits
And then you know,
-Being a double major
-Carrying overload...21 credits
-Having to maintain a 3.9....no big deal.
I should be in that movie "How She Does It" You know, with that girl Sarah Jessica Parker?
Here, I'll get you a picture:
This actually came from a website asking "is this a horse or Sarah Jessica Parker?" Tehe.
I know that joke has been done before---BUT NOT BY ME. Just shut up and take what I give you. Brats.
But anyways the basic premise is that she's super busy but somehow awesome. FALSE. That's Sarah Jessica Parker we're talking about. Jeesh. The closest she got to awesome was Dudley Do-Right.
I'm super busy but I'm awesome. In a believable way. If you squint really hard. And warp your definition of awesome.
My wonderful boyfriend found that while stumbling and had to send it to me. He knows me sooooo well.
I'm listening to my pandora and chillin' out. Let's look through my handy dandy planner and see what I had planned to write about this week:
And the subjects are...............
"You Threw Off my Groove!"
and
"What was that supposed to illustrate again?"
Does everyone know where the first one comes from? The Emperor's New Groove!
So basically, this dude's a jerk, and then he turns into a llama, which in my mind is a major improvement. I love llamas. But I KNOW that's not what I was thinking when I wrote in my planner "You threw off my groove!"
I think I was pissed about a change in plans. But to tell you the truth, I don't remember. I wrote it on Tuesday and didn't get to it until Sunday, soooo I guess that's my fault.
Point to take away from this: I LOVE LLAMAS and don't throw off my groove.
On to point number two:
What the hell?
My criminology teacher likes to illustrate the concepts of criminology with examples. Great right? Wrong. He sucks at giving examples.
I think the problem is that he wants everyone to think he's funny, so he gets bogged down with funny details and tries to include everyone in the story, by which point he's forgotten what the example was about anyways.
He then finishes lamely, kinda like this.
But I'm done thought-dumping for now. Going out for brunch with my parents. Don't know where yet. Bye bye.
I've been just doing the bare minimum. This is because apparently I have so much of a life right now that I don't have time to write it down. Or the mental capacity. The stress kinda makes me stupid.
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I love the Fall. Or, perhaps if you're a snooty person, the "Autumn". Whatever. Fall is when the leaves all fall down. Makes sense to me. Psh Autumn.
But I was walking from the Haven back to Lane Hall and I'm wearing jeans, a hoodie, and flip flops. The breeze is wonderful. The air is the purest and most refreshing it's been in awhile. And, I have a nice hot tea in my hands that I'm sipping. The contrast between the scalding hot and 60 degree breeze is wonderful. It sends a chill through my body that reminds me I'm alive and not the drone I feel like most days.
I forgot how stressed I was, how busy I was, about my quiz in Lab Animal, and about the stress of a switched shift. I just inhaled the air and tasted that ever so distinct taste of Fall, and I was in heaven.
I've always loved Fall. It's the time for band parades, kettle corn, pumpkins, sweet hay smell, leaf piles, and fairs. Most of my happy memories are Fall memories.
Hiking is the best in the Fall. It smells wonderful, you never get too hot, and the mosquitoes aren't as terrible as they were in July. I used to love hiking, but now I feel like there's no time. Once you get to the top, the view is wonderful. The colors in the fall are so rewarding.
I love going to car shows in the Fall. It's so much fun. I love checking out all the old VWs (my dad's car show of choice) and just relaxing from car to car. You can smell the leaves in the air but you can also smell burgers and fried dough from the concession stand across the field. It's a wonderful combination. Not to mention, if they've done the engine blowout, you can smell oil and smoke. The grease and wax and leather all just meshes together so well.
There's also the arts and crafts fairs. I love to go to them. They show me other people trying to make it in the art world. I wonder if someday I'll be selling my work at a fair, relaxing in a tent outside on Fall day enjoying the reaction of people as they get dog portraits. I love to see everyone's perspective on art. It gives me hope that at least some people are good.
I miss things like that. I'm always so busy. I wish I could just run away all weekend and go hiking and backpacking. Screw civilization, I want to roll around in the leaves.
When your state of mind is like this, it's the best. What's more peaceful?
Going for a walk. Inhaling the Fall. Forgetting everything for 10 minutes.
I know the "deepness" factor is out of control here. Sorry, more funny stuff later. Trust me, it's all backed up and ready to go!
Blogger has a new interface and its messing with my BRAIN. Gah. Anyways.
I was too tired last night to do anything but upload beagle pictures, but since a picture is worth a thousand words, you guys should be thankful I even put that effort in. You know, for those of you that actually enjoy reading my blog. Those few: those not-so-proud.
Do you have the time to listen to me whine... About nothing and everything at once? I am one of those melodramatic fools.....neurotic to the bone- no doubt about it...
Because that's what's about to happen.
So I went clubbing the other night. Unless you're friends with me on facebook you've been spared the pictures. The whole getting ready thing was a lot of fun. A couple guy friends couldn't believe that I actually had the capability to wear heels, which, as one of the girls pointed out, comes innately to most women, because we handle pain so much better then our male counterparts.
Who ever said they were the stronger sex?
Anyway, I was getting ready and I hear one of my girls say "Yeah, she's in there". Oh dear god here it comes....
KNOCK KNOCK JENNY LET ME IN I WANNA SEE KNOCK KNOCK JENNY!!!!!!!
Alright already.
So I go out there and we did the whole "Not Another Teen Movie" thing down the staircase...in front of my whole hall and 5 RA's.
So around 30 people.
I didn't fall through the staircase though, that would have been difficult to re-create.
It was fun, pictures were fun, my creeper paying a visit just to see me all dolled up was fun, and it kinda all went downhill from there.
I mean, I wanted to have fun. I love loud music, and I like to dance. But the first club we went to was like, empty. I tried not to laugh, but inside I just knew that this would happen the first time I agree to go out.
So we go to another one. This one's quite the opposite. It's packed. You can barely move. There are so many creeps, just not MY creep, the one that has permission (he knows who he is).
And like I said, I like to dance. But there wasn't room. I was teetering on my heels. I was wary of having a drink spilled on me. I was afraid of all the faceless boys that decided that coming up behind me to dance was alright.
It wasn't, and I made that clear. I'd rather be an Ice Queen then a skank. 1: I had no interest in dancing with them, I'm happily taken. 2: Where, in the actual world, is it o.k. to sneak up on a total stranger like that? I'm sorry, but I don't drop the general morals I was brought up with when I enter a certain place. They shouldn't either. Excuse me for having standards.
At this point, the dancing was just tiring. I didn't feel into it. I tried to be, but it felt forced. I wanted to have more fun, but I just wasn't.
That's when I noticed how much my feet hurt. Oh my gosh OW! I had given up on the fun aspect and now I was in pain. Talk about your downhill spiral.
I can safely say that unless the circumstances were drastically altered, I probably wont go to a club again.
As in: all the creeps would have to go
There would need to be room to dance
And the music would have to be something tolerable to my boyfriend because he would have to come with me.
Like I said, probably never going to happen.
But I'm glad that I went. I just wish I had more fun. I think that being able to go is just another step towards trying to enjoy the college life. For those of you that knew me as a freshman, and who are we kidding, even as a sophomore, you know I would never do those things.
I'm not trying to change myself, I'm just trying to be more open to exploration. Experimentation, whatever you want to call it. Most people seem to like the change. I'm surprised at how much I enjoy CERTAIN people.
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Other people not so much.
And since my blog is basically my real voice, I would like to rehearse my speech here, and go off of what comes out of my brain on my blog, modify it to grade-able material, and then present it. I have two speeches in work, because there were too many people in the class for us all to go on Thursday, so I was booted to Tuesday.
The first speech is an introduction- ice breaker type thing, answering these questions. I'll throw it on here, maybe you'll learn something:
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Name:Jennifer Rebecca Wallace.Though I prefer “Jenny” because Jennifer is my- “oh man I’m in so much trouble”-full-name that my mother uses.
Residence: Torrington CT, but I currently live as an RA in Lane Hall.
Phone: --------------You guys aren't gonna get that part. Sorry.
Major/program of study: Double major of Animal Care/Criminal Justice
Degree pursuing: I will graduate with my Associates this year, and my Bachelor’s next year.I may go on to Law School to practice in Animal Advocacy.
Vocation or profession:All of the jobs I have held have encompassed some form of Animal Care.
Family highlights: I look exactly like my mom, Act exactly like my dad, and Do nothing like my favorite sister.I have 3 siblings, 2 sisters and 1 brother.My little brother is homeschooled while my sister Katie is in her sophomore year of high school.My sister Michelle is pursuing a degree in Music Education with a concentration of Bassoon Studies.
Hobbies: Reading, Singing, Drawing and Painting.
Activities: I am Co-President of the Animal Health Club.I am also an RA on Campus.My other occupation on campus is Student Training, and I’ve been assigned to train all four beagles this semester.
Community activities: I’ve volunteered at an animal shelter for literally half my life.My family and I specialize in fostering whole puppy litters and also dogs that may have psychological and behavioral issues.
Favorite sports: To play: kickball, To Watch: baseball, Who to Watch: The Yankees!
TV likes and dislikes: I love Criminal Minds, but my favorite show is the X-Files.I cannot stand the Jersey Shore; I won’t watch it. I also never got into Keeping up with the Kardashians or anything of the like.My two favorite genres of TV are Crime Drama’s and Wedding Shows.
Reading interests: I love Stephen King and the Harry Potter series.I don’t like the actual Twilight books (though I did read them- I had to find out what was going on) but I do love the fanfiction.
Interests: I’m very interested in Animal Advocacy, Humane Law Enforcement, Law, Art, and Music.
Bad Habits: I have a horrible temper.I sometimes jump to conclusions.I am very glass-half-empty.I like to complain.I also can’t take criticism well.Though these are more characteristics, since they are annoying to others and I cannot seem to shake them, I would also call them bad habits.
Good Habits: I’m very conscientious with my studies.I’m very prompt.I manage my procrastination well.I am quick to ask for help but also quick to help.
Talents: I can play the French Horn, and I used to be able to play the Double Bass (it would take some practice to get back into the groove).I draw animal portraits, and most say that they are quite good.I was a first soprano in the Advanced choir in high school, so I can sing, but only in a choral style.
Convictions:
I personally believe an education is one of the most important things a person can have in life.I treat my education with the utmost respect and I do not accept anything but the best from myself.
I am currently in a 4+ year relationship.I believe that the only person you should be with should be someone that brings out the best of you.In return you should give them your love, respect, encouragement, and of course, fidelity.
I have not always gotten along with my siblings, but if anyone else bullies or harasses them I will defend them to the ends of the earth and back.
I will always strive for a world that is just and right, even when a fair and right world is not possible.If I were to stop striving, I would be giving up on my ideals. To quote my mom "Life isn't Fair" I would like it to be, and giving up is condoning the evils around me.
Concerns:
I worry that I may not be able to achieve my goals, despite my best efforts in the academic and extracurricular spectrum.
I don’t know if Law School is right for me, or if I can even afford it.
I worry that when people see me as an introvert, I come across as aloof and hurtful.
On top of worrying for my own goals, I worry for my boyfriend’s, sister’s, mother’s, brother’s and father’s goals as well.I only want the best for them and I feel horrible disappointment along with them when an opportunity is taken away.
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So that's the introductory thing. It's a little off the wing, and I wont be reading from the sheet. We had to hand something in so that's what the teacher is getting.
So I have another one, that I haven't even started. It's called the "Name Exercise" and it has to be a three-minute speech describing how to remember my name.
So for everyone reading, these are my general thoughts about my name through the years.
My full name is Jennifer Rebecca Wallace. My dad insisted on "Jennifer" instead of my preferred "Jenny" just in case I wanted to stop going by "Jenny" as an adult. He was wrong.
My name wasn't meant to be Jenny. It was going to be Kelly. Which for the longest time disgusted me, because I could only think of the Kelly from the barbie series, the toddler. Eww.
This was literally all I could picture. I couldn't get over the
fact my mom almost named me after a Barbie Doll.
Right off the bat, that tells you something about me. I played with dinosaurs as a kid, I didn't want to deal with the Barbie image. I listened to Green Day and The Presidents of the U.S.A, not the spice girls. Thinking about being a Kelly was distressing to my young self.
I ended up as a Jenny on a whim. I didn't give my mom an easy labor, and I'm told after that ordeal my dad didn't dare argue about the "agreed upon" name. Apparently, I am named after a woman at a nursing home my mom worked at that had a particularly quick wit and humorous outlook.
Living with the name Jenny has it's downfalls. It's a particularly prevalent name in the music industry. There wasn't a day in Elementary School where someone didn't suddenly, with a stroke of perceived originality, call me "Jenny from the Block". The song in question:
Ugh. Now remember, I rocked out to "Brain Stew" as a kid. I had no interest in being "Jenny from the Block".
Now, I started to grow up a little. I didn't think that this whole song thing would persist. I was wrong.
Eight Six Seven Five Three- Oh- Nine-eeee-Nine.
Oh dear god. Not again.
No, that's not my number, and NO you can't have my actual one. Yes, I have actually had that line used on me before- multiple times. I take great issue with this:
1. Who, as a 90's kid, listened to Tommy Tutone? NOBODY. It was the infernal radio station that our parents listened to, exposing the song to the creeps.
2. I should be flattered, but the fact that it became repetitive and just downright annoying got to me. Just ask for my number without all the theatrics! I will still probably say no.
Apart from the songs, I only take 1 more major issue with my name. And that is using the letter "J" in name games.
Take for example, during RA training.
"Everyone, say your name, and then a favorite food with the same first letter!"
Oh god---not again.
So if you're Sally, you can be Sally Strawberries. Here are my options:
(as pulled from Answers.com, these are the foods that begin with J- my reactions are in italic)
Jackfruit (tropical fruit)- I live in CT, where was I gonna learn about tropical Jackfruit
Jaffa Cakes- What the hell is Jaffa?
Jaffa orange- WHAT THE HELL IS JAFFA?
Jalapeno peppers-Whoever lists jalepeno's as their favorite food is a masochist
Jalebi (Indian fried sweet)-Uhm, what?
Jam- This is the easy way out, but I don't LIKE jam.
Jambalaya-No
Jameed (Jordanian cheese/yogurt)-Who came up with this list?
Java coffee-I hate coffee
Jawbreakers-I prefer my jaw intact, thanks.
Jellied eels- ARE YOU EVEN SEEING THIS?
Jelly (or jam) doughnuts- I hate jelly doughnuts, the jelly is a hiding assassin out to kill my idea of the perfect doughnut.
Jellybeans- Hated them ever since I had braces
Jellyfish- Who on earth thinks I'm going to eat a friggen' jellyfish?
Jerusalem artichoke- How is this different from a regular artichoke?
Jibneh Arabieh cheese- I only like cheese when I can properly pronounce its name.
Jike (a Chinese dish)- I think the writers were reaching-JUST A LITTLE BIT
Jubes- Uhm, what?
Juice- This is legitimately the truth, I don't like fruit juice, most of it upsets my stomach.
Juniper Berry Oil (flavoring agent)-Who the hell picks a "flavoring agent" as their favorite food?
Other than that, being a Jenny isn't too bad. It means "White Wave" in some language or another and I can't really think of anything wrong with that. Woo, waves. It is a derivative of Guinevere, of the King Arthur Tales. That's pretty cool.
So remember:
My name is Jenny.
I don't like Jennifer, that's the name my mom uses when I'm in trouble, as in
"JENNIFER REBECCA GET YOUR BUTT UP THE STAIRS"
The only one allowed to call me Jennifer is my art teacher from high school, because even though I told him over and over and over that I prefer Jenny, he honestly could never remember. Therefore, to my art teacher, I'm Jennifer.
I don't like Jenna, BECAUSE THAT'S NOT MY NAME. Just don't do it.
Like I said, Jenna is not my name. I like Jenny, so that's what you can call me.
(Note: obviously, I'm not going to read this verbatim in my Public Speaking class. I will edit. This is just a thoughtdump to get going on what I think about my name. Enjoy)
So! Everyone is moved back into Becker, and about 70% of us have survived the first week of class. The other 30% or so were eaten by the rabid bunnies that live under May House.
Just kidding, they aren't rabid. They are wicked cute though.
I've gotten bad enough where if I have a funny thought, or a bitchy thought, or just a thought at all (it's always an accomplishment, especially in light of some of the company I have here at Becker), I've taken to writing it down in my planner. You know, the one's overworked people like me need to stay alive, or we self-destruct. So my list of thoughts are:
-why do people that have no friends tend to cling to me? What kind of reflection is that?
-Girl in my Law Class-STFU
-Misdemeanors=Mister Meaners
-I love Mythology!
Now, in order as can be given my thought patterns:
I wonder sometimes...these people that act all high and mighty and pretend to be popular and in demand, why- when they are suddenly out of their element- they find me. This typically happens on the Worcester campus. Yes, I am a Worcester Academic Center veteran.... No, this doesn't mean I want to hang with you. But it happens. Like seriously- aren't you 20 years old? Can't you hang out by yourself? Is that so bad? Or have you warped your self image so wildly that you rely on human contact just to feel sustained? Weirdos.
Then there are those that see me eating by myself and feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for me too. You just ended my nice, peaceful lunch by forcing me to carry a conversation while eating with a mere acquaintance.
I'll admit, I've been seeking out people more often lately. I just hope I can never be classified as "Clingy". Plus, we all know as soon as I have a definite schedule for Beagle-Time the whole hanging-out-with-people-for-fun thing is going to take a nosedive. Let's just be honest- it's gonna happen.
Moving on...
I love my law classes. I didn't know I was so good at it until last fall, when I took Criminal Law. Now I'm taking Issues in Law and I expected it to be just as fun.
Well, I have the same professor, the material is engaging, the book is easy to read, etc. BUT THERE'S JUST ONE PROBLEM. There's this chick, in the very back row, that needs her mouth stitched shut and a lobotomy. No joke. I don't know who let this chick out of her cage, but she can't control her outbursts in class. I know I learned to raise my hand like, in kindergarten. This knowledge has either escaped her, or she feels above such necessities.
Raise your hand if you know how to raise your hand!
Wanna know something else I also learned?
To think before I supply an answer. To at least attempt to organize my thoughts. To not shout out offensive, emotion-based, and just plain stupid answers that make others lose faith in humanity.
Unfortunately, with this concept, she also has a problem.
IT'S SO SIMPLE. Give a short definition of "conservative".
My Thought Process: To conserve, little government, less involvement, small government, less meddling, less programming through government sources...etc.
Her Shouted Out Answer: So Like, A conservative would be someone who like, hates all women and black people, but especially Mexicans, so they don't let people have food and they're all rich and stuff, and they are like all in Texas, so they can guard the border, and they vote for Donald Trump, because he'll definitely be the next president the way this is going, And I think that conservatives are all just rich jerks who hate girls like me who have to maintain a 3.7 just to be recognized in college, because I definitely deserve more, and I should get more................
You get the idea? I felt like shooting myself. It only got worse, but I'm not going to re-write the rest of it because I will fall prone to exaggeration because at some point my mind started screaming:
Oh the pain, oh the horror, oh DEAR GOD THE STUPID PEOPLE!
At this point the professor must have stopped her, and despite the horde of dying brain cells in my head, I focused on what he was saying.
Oh would you look at that. (Direct from my notes, which are pretty much verbatim)
"Conservative: aims to limit government involvement in people's lives, including taxes."
The problem is I have to deal with this all semester. I already feel like a might have a trauma disorder from dealing with the one stupid answer. HOW CAN PEOPLE BE THIS IGNORANT?
Moving on...
So this one is really short. My Criminology teacher pronounces Misdemeanors as "Mister Meaners" so I'm giggling into my planner as I write down the "homework" because all I can picture is this:
This is Mr. Meaner, he would like to attempt a burglary, but he's too dumb. Oh Mr. Meaner!
Tee He. Think what you want of my thought-processes, all I know is that they keep me entertained.
Moving on...
I love my Mythology class! I have to look up urban legends for homework tonight OR I could interview a bunch of people about why they think Lane is haunted and use that as my homework assignment.
How cool is that?
One last thing, and this is for my pseudo-stalker, my awesome ex-colleague of Hampshire Hall. If you read my blog, which I know you did at one point, there will be notes on my window for you this evening when you attempt to creep. Maybe we'll have a nice little thing going by the end of the year. I write you nasty little things on my window, you continue creeping. The world keeps turning.
