Things that irritate me about Spring.

There are lots of things.

Take this morning, for instance.  I woke up after having the trippy-est dreams of my life and got dressed. It was all good.  I made my way to the door...

...and that's when I heard it.  A cacophony of screaming.  Of crying.  Of WHINING.  And even worse...of laughter.

The entire town's little league teams were gathered on the green across the street.

Oh dear god.

Can't we bug bomb the crap out of that?

So.  Number 1: Little Leagues.  Or more specifically, large gatherings of children.

Plotting my demise.

Children.  I break out in hives around children.  I believe I've already posted about my aversion to Chuck-E-Cheeses.  There's a reason for that.

Me and children have not, and will not EVER mix.

Moving on.

The second.

I'm walking around campus enjoying the nice weather in my T-Shirt and jean shorts.  I'm feeling pretty great wearing flip flops.  My hair is swinging around in a ponytail.  Sound good?

Not.

Enter girl-in-a-sundress-that-looks-100-times-better-than-I-do.

How do they even do that?  Aren't they afraid of the wind blowing it up?  Maybe they don't care? Or they have cute underwear they want to show off.  Maybe.  I don't think even my cutest underwear would make me want a Marilyn Monroe moment though. 

What gets me the most though: it looks effortless.

You see, when I wear anything resembling a skirt, or something dressed up or whatever----I get shocked stares.  And "oh wow you dressed up!" or "Jenny you look good today!"

How I must look when I wear something besides a hoodie.

Because I clearly don't any other day.  For once I would just like people to SHUT UP and not draw attention to the fact that my jeans are always covered in muddy pawprints/paint and my tops are always covered in beagle fur (and quite possibly more pawprints).

I do LIKE to look good.  I just don't like to ruin my good clothes.  But hey, staring at me like I'm in the transformation scene of another teen movie is encouraging.

It tells me I can't make friends until I change.

.............yeah Grease.  I'm looking at you.  Horrible moral to YOUR story.  How about that one?

Anyway.  It's not even that they are in a sundress.  They have MULTIPLE cute spring outfits.  I'm stuck on my jeans.  I don't think I own a casual sundress.

It's not like I can...

....nooo....

No. My prom dress won't work.  Stop even thinking it.

Anyway.

Everything I have is either toooo fancy or...jeans and a hoodie.  I don't think I own a single cute sundress.

I do have one long one.

But who does that to go to class? Other people.  Not this girl.  People would try to take my temperature if I tried.

Because I don't do that crap.

Again, MOVING ON.

Scenario #3:

I'm walking around. I like my legs I guess.  They're covered in scars and crap, and my knees are kind of knobbly, but I think knobbly knees is cute right?

Oh. Right. Only on baby animals.  Got it.

SO WHAT THE HECK DO I CARE IF THEY'RE TAN OR NOT?

Gah.

Anyway.  People are always working on their tans.  Base tans, Golden Tans, Tanning Beds, Tan Lines, whatever.

And I get a whole bunch of slack either because my legs are really white.

OR

...because my arms are always tanner than everyone else's.

Pick. One.

And stop obsessing!  I like to lie outside in the sun too.  Whatever. But I've come to terms with the fact that my legs will never be perfect.

Even if I do get "the perfect tan" they will still be scarred, bruised, knobbly and probably covered in bug bites.

It's my life.

There. Right there. There's a bruise. See? That's my life legs.

I think I'm done.

There are lots of things that still irritate me about spring, but right now I need a shower.