So here's the deal.
If you have to write every-single-goddamn-facebook-status about your relationship: you're trying too hard.
You want attention.
"You're SOOOOOOOOOOO in LURRRRRRRVEEEEEEEEEEEE."
Eff that.
You're an attention whore. It's annoying. I don't want to hear anymore about what is supposed to be private. You're not "with the cutest boy everrrrrrr!"
Pah-lease. I don't think anyone in my friends list is winning beauty contests around the world. Not that they should be, but whole creeper albums of you and what's-his-name is rather annoying.
Not that I don't get the warm-fuzzies (4 tries) for my boyfriend. I do. He's awesome. However, I don't need to post friggen' essays on facebook about it.
People already know.
It's been almost 5 years.
But what's better is if people don't CHOOSE to know, and CHOOSE to ask me about it: you really aren't aware (3 tries) of my relationship status.
You don't know the nice things (2 tries) Don does for me. That doesn't mean I can't be happy for them. You know, WITHOUT TELLING THE ENTIRE WORLD.
Gah. Trying to type. It's so nice outside. Can't I go out there? I think I rant (I automatically tried to type RENT) better outside.
Meh.
Anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyys.
I get that whole "I'm in love and it's new and I want to shout it off the rooftops and I can't control myself" feeling.
I really do.
What I don't get, is why you don't friggen' control it because it annoys the rest of the world.
You know why there aren't more people standing on top of roofs yelling about LOVEEEEEE?
Because they understand how fricken' annoying it is. SO annoying.
The sad part is we don't even need rooftops anymore.
.......Enter facebook.
Dear friggen god. I have deleted people because they will go on and on in a status (think- multiple paragraphs). It's terrible to start.
.......................As if that's not enough, they start commenting on their own status. With more paragraphs of mush and overly graphic descriptions of feelings.
It's like they are building a manifesto. My god. I love my boyfriend, I do- but I tell HIM that. Not everyone. In paragraph form. On a social networking site.
Because let's face it. NONE of our relationships are going to be made into the next Nicholas Sparks' movie.
Not even if you write enough for the next Nicholas Sparks' novel.
So stop it.
Now.
You're obnoxious (5 tries).
You know what? I bet you're about as in love as these two:
| "I know what you are." "Say it!" "SAY IT OUT LOUD!" "Overly-disclosing attention whore!" |
Not that I should be that bitch that judges other people's relationships. Wow I feel bad. I'm a jerk.
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Wait, no I don't... because I WOULD HAVE NOTHING TO JUDGE IF YOU WOULD JUST SHUT UP.
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You know, I think this may have to do with my hate for tiny facebook hearts. I think this is a big psychological issue for me. Damn little hearts.
YOU DON'T MEAN LOVE! You don't- little hearts!
Anyway. If no one is commenting with congratulations on your new relationship or they are finally glad to see you happy (read: you've been on the relationship merry go round and you didn't exactly stay on the same horse the whole time): you need to stop posting. Facebook has made everyone have shorter attention spans and no one cares about the amount of friggen flowers you got today except for you.
You think the other girls are jealous? Try again. They all smell desperation. We're bitches like dogs. We smell fear (and desperation, that too).
So stop having the female version of a pissing contest (that no one is really participating in) and get yourself together.
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I'd just like to take the time to note that this does NOT apply for those girls with significant others in the hospital, fighting disease or other major hardship, or deployed in the armed forces or oversees.
If you're posting about that, you want support, not frivolous attention. And I get that. This whole rant is not about you girls.
BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD EVERYONE ELSE STOP IT!
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