Music is like a heartbeat.

And right now I want it pumping fast and strong.
So Rise Against it is. (For those of you who don't know, that's a band.)

I've left this blog alone for so long. My life's been strange and up-and-down and honestly not funny.

Just being real here.

Back to the music.

Everyone knows music can change your mood.  Some people use it to wallow when they're already sad (and by some people, I mean me, let's be real.)  Other people have inspirational music designed to pull them out of a rut.  Congratulations on your positivism, I'll be over here sobbing into my pillow.

My best friend gets it though. You don't always want to be cheered up.  You might want to just let the sadness (or anger, or hurt, or bitterness) consume you for a little while.  Listen to lyrics that flow from one side of your brain to the other and make you feel like someone else has felt the same thing.

Lyrics, or pictures or words, isn't that what art is?  Reaching something inside you that makes you feel less alone?  More validated?

Like she said "Let me feel."

So when people ask me what my favorite bands are, I can't really tell them.  It depends on my mood.  A sound I love one week might make me want to throw my laptop out the window in another week.  It depends.

I've always thought asking about music preference was a very personal question.  My music is a direct link to my mood.

It's not as simple as whether or not the lyrics describe what's going on in my life.

It's more like...am I listening to popular music? Are the lyrics vulgar and just kinda dumb? I probably don't want to think about what's bothering me, so I'm burying it under mounds of Pop music that means literally nothing to me.

Or am I listening to something I listened to in high school?  That's never a good sign.  I wasn't in a good place then, it means that I feel just as lost.

Is there screaming? I probably wish I could scream.  Living vicariously through music I guess.

And then of course there are those songs that remind me of a specific person or event and there is no possible way any random person could know what they mean to me.  But it still feels exposed.

Not everyone knows what a good heartbeat should sound like. I guess I don't know what mine should sound like either.