Thoughts in the Club

So you guys are so faithful!  I literally hadn't updated for two or three months and I had several dozen page views in under an hour for "Thoughts at the Gym"

You guys are either awesome or have no life but I'm not judging.
Mostly because I fall into the second category myself.

So you guys may or may not be the type of people to go out to bars and clubs but here's the deal: if you're female and you like to dance you will get hit on. If you're single this can be a good thing. Sometimes.  Maybe.  If the guy is attractive.  Which occurs when the planets align and you sacrifice a virgin under the full moon.

Nah I'm just kidding, it's not THAT uncommon, I'm just picky and I happen to like dancing alone. Guys can't keep up with me.  It's a problem.  I had a guy friend in college that had also been in band in high school and we would dance together while out because if I wanted to dance faster all I would have to say was SUBDIVIDE and the joke was understoood instantly. He could keep up with me and it was actually fun.  But I digress.

Anyway.  I've actually started to have a social life again after graduation.  Shock. Awe.
I know.
I go out in Hartford, and it's quite fun.  I love to dance.  I'm not much of a drinker, and since the last two times I've gone I've been driving I've actually been completely sober.  This primes me for people watching and for of course..."Thoughts in the Club."  Enjoy:

When guys look you up and down like that, is it necessary to look alllllll the way down? I mean, do you really care that much about my shoes? 

I think it's a rule that bar/club bathrooms never actually have enough stalls to actually function properly.  It's a thing.

And that girl is hugging the support beam.  Gotta tell N.

What is with the chanting? Guys never chanted in Worcester. HEY HEY HEY!

It smells like hot dogs. Goddamn hot dogs.

No. It's not happening. It won't happen. Stop trying to make it happen.

That dance.  It's like swan wings mixed with seizures.  Swan-Seizing, the dance craze.

This DJ is compensating for a very small body part. Two guesses and you've already used one.

*PEACE UP! A TOWN DOWN! YEAH YEAH YEAHHHHHHHHHH*

I feel like a sardine. In a bad way.  Time to break out the funky elbows.  This. is. MY. SPACE.

That girl is still on the support beam.  She's humping it.  Or grinding. Kinda, spinning? 

Boys. Just say no to fedoras.  Just. say. no.

Holy shit that's where all the sex appeal has gone.  He's absorbed it all for his evil plan to take over the world.  Side note: now Pinky and the Brain is in my head.  Pinky and the Brain brain brain brain...

*GAS PEDAL GAS PEDAL GAS PEDAL*

No touchy.

No touchy her either.  She's with me.

No don't give me that look.  You've had to be rejected before, you clearly have no game, move along. Try to smile and ask nicely next time, instead of grabbing things.

I don't KNOWWW THIS SONGGGG but everyone else doesss so I'll act pumped anyway!

I know you've been trying to get my attention for 5 minutes dude but it's not happening so move along.

Girl is still on support beam.  She's sort of twerking on it.  Gotta give her props for her commitment to the idea.

Hair in face. Hair in face. In mouth. Out of face. And where's my hair tie. Dammit.

*GET OUTTA YOUR MIND GET OUTTA YOUR MIND*

And I just pulled a muscle.  Shoulda stretched more.  Damn.

Did that girl just fall? And she'ssssss up! 

Hahah is the song speeding up? Watchhh this suckasssssssss you about to learn a thinggggggg.

Booty SHAKE!

And: head count.

Note to self: you cannot growl at people.  As much as they deserve it.

*NANANA COME ON. I LIKE IT, LIKE IT. S S S AND M M M. *

Heyyyy gorgeous dudee....and gorgeous dude's girlfriend goddamnit just stay home.

How am I already hungry?

That was my foot.  Ow.

Oh he's cute!.....From a distance.  That's a syndrome isn't it.  An actual thing.  

Wanna start feeling self conscious now? Just, randomly?

I want nachos.

You look like my not-ex.  So let's not-dance.

What is the DJ even doing?

You are EXTREMELY FRIGGEN' TALL DUDE.

Are the lights coming on? The lights are coming on.  Damn.