A gem from my ride back to CT:

....like, a semi-precious gem.  It's not much.

So we’re on our way back to CT, as of this writing we have 11 hours to go before we get home.  With Michelle back in the car after bassoon camp (because I have a sister that enjoys things like…bassoon camp in the middle of bumfuck nowhere), it’s becoming a very interesting ride.

Michelle has a habit of making noise.  It’s really no wonder she decided to go into music.  When an instrument is not made available to Michelle she will often make her own peculiar vocalizations.  These vary from “injured goose” to “screaming yodel”.  She also has this creepy voice she does…but that’s beyond explanation and really something you have to experience. 

It was only around 10 minutes into the ride when Michelle decided she was bored enough to start…being Michelle.  I turned to my dad and told him about a game I play in my head when I’m bored.

It’s called “Discovery Channel Narrator”.

When I’m bored, I’ll often people-watch and narrate their story in my head…as if they’re a wild animal species and I’m from Discovery Channel or Animal Planet.

Because I was telling my dad, I gave an example.

“The Michelle is a curious creature with an affinity for all things noise.  This species( playus bassoonus)will often find substitutes for her instrument of choice.  The instrument The Michelle has become most skilled on resembles a large piece of wood, such as a bedpost.”

My dad laughs and we start adding more and more species characteristics to our discovery channel special on “The Michelle”.

This goes on for awhile and, as is the case with most road trip conversations, we eventually lull ourselves into another silence.

My brother Ben slurps loudly from his milkshake.

I turn back to my dad.

“The Ben is a reclusive species with a disdain for the outdoors and physical activity.”

My dad supplements: “Like the Koala, The Ben has a very limited diet”

I interject:

“This diet of chicken products such as “nuggets” or the larger “fingers” and the required chocolate milkshake make McDonald’s a favorite hunting ground for The Ben, though he still requires his parental units to hunt for him in these instances”

Ben has caught wind that we are no longer discussing “The Michelle” and objects by trying to direct the discovery channel inquiry onto me.

I tell them go for it.

Ben tries:

“The Jenny is a very aggressive species”

My dad adds:

“The species defining characteristic is a well honed and sharp wit, as well as one of the sharpest tongues in the animal kingdom”.

At this point the car becomes silent.  I raise my eyebrows, and my dad supplies:

“I think they’re too afraid.”

So I supply my own:

“The Jenny has a particular ability to get along with animals of all species: with the exception of her own.”

…..We didn’t even try to narrate my dad’s species.

The trip generally went downhill from there.